Friday, September 13, 2013

"See you soon."

This phrase is something I'm going to be saying to my husband a little more often than I'd like.

I'm sitting here about to start bawling for the 220312 billionth time and there is a massive lump karate kicking my throat.

I do want to disclose that before you read anymore of this post: This isn't meant to be over-the-top dramatic. I assure you that it isn't. I'm just not finding the words to adequately express how I feel at this moment and even though I've been preparing mentally for this's still not coming easily for me. I feel unsettled and anxiety is controlling my every thought it seems. Please forgive me for being a little vague and for the lack of thought-out fluidity in this post. I have debated and debated on whether or not I'd talk about this here on my blog. There are pros-and-cons for sharing this here, but I have decided to share. That's how I roll. I feel guilty not being completely honest on here so I'm just going to do it. I just have to hold back on details a little.

For the most part, I've never really been shy about my life, and what I share with y'all here. I'm a very emotional person, I wear my heart on my sleeve and I tend to over-share my thoughts with very long-winded posts. I repeat myself time and time again while trying to express my feelings. But that's just me. I tell you guys a lot...but I do hold back sometimes. I will say I've never once regretted opening my heart up on here because I've had the most incredible experiences come from it. Relationships I've formed here have been so wonderful. I've had the biggest hearts e-mail me and offer advice, offer shoulder's to cry on, never-ending support, excitement, and it's just all been 100% worth it because of that. Knowing I can help someone going through a similar situation, or vise versa has been incredible, and I think that's why I keep sharing my life. I really do.

As I sit here, right now, in this moment, I am a mess. My eyes are swollen, I'm sniffling, my face is red, and I want to crawl up in a ball like a baby. I can't share detail for detail because I don't know who reads this blog (hey creeper, I see youuuu over der) haha. But, I have read a few blog posts in the last couple of months that really apply to my life right this very second. Read this one here and this one and this one. They honestly took a lot of words, feelings, and thoughts right out of my mouth, head and my heart. Read them. Pretend that what they say is what I want to say here. Minus law school and everything haha. There are differences but I relate in the biggest way.

I remember thinking when I read those posts, "MAN, I don't know how she does it!" or "Oh man, that sucks! I feel terrible for her!" I could put myself in that person's shoes for a second and really feel sad for them. I truly could. But never until recently could I relate 100%.

A few months ago, we got a call from my brother. He told us about this job opportunity his friend had that would be perfect for Drew. The job sounded perfect for him. The money was better. The job requirements were right up his alley. It was an opportunity that seemed too good to be true. And then that's when we heard the words:

"He will be traveling...a lot."

Thankfully, at that time, they weren't hiring, but they would be eventually. My brother wanted us to think about this opportunity, chew on it, and pray about it. He said we would hear from them when they got the green light to hire Drew, and as cool as it sounded and as happy as I was that this opportunity miiiiight happen and change our whole world...deep down I was a complete and total wreck. It was always in the back of my mind. I hated thinking about it. I wanted it for him, but at the same time, I was sick to my stomach. "If Drew takes this job...our lives are going to change big time and I am not going to see him that much..." I would tear up just thinking about it. I felt selfish for even thinking that the only reason I didn't want him to take it was because of me not wanting to be alone (a lot more anyway). Not being able to see him every day, not having him to snuggle with at night, not having my best friend and partner with me in the full-flesh when I needed him. *Get your mind out of the gutter haha* That hug at the end of my day, that smile that would come through our front door...I look forward to that every. single. day.


We got the call back a few weeks ago. The call. The call I know Drew wanted and the call that I was okay with never coming despite constantly battling hardships.

When Drew walked back in our house after talking to his new boss and said, "I got it, babe." Instead of celebrating and jumping up and down, I started crying. My emotions took over me and I just cried. My palms naturally turned face up and slammed into my face. Niagra Falls and my face became twins. I collapsed to the floor, hugged my knees, hid my face and quickly found Drew at my side hugging me as hard as he has ever hugged me. Why was I doing this in a time I should be celebrating, poppin' the bubbly, and screaming in excitement for him? I felt terrible, and that made me cry more. Worst wife award goes to.... Don't make me say it. I know.

We spent the next two hours in that spot on the floor talking about this change. The adjustments. The What-Ifs. The realization hurt. I was happy for him, but it sure was hard to tell. My emotions were all over the place. Drew continued to wipe my tears away, made me laugh,  and assured me that everything was going to be okay.

Drew starts his new job Monday. I don't think I need to really go into detail as to what will probably happen when I walk back into my house, without him, and without the idea knowing he will be coming home later that night. It's a given. Saying "See you soon" is going to break my heart.

Currently I'm sitting here in an empty house of sad pups, a sad hedgehog, a loaded shot gun ready to do damage if it needs to  and my heart is aching rather loudly. We are mentally preparing for what life is about to be like. It's going to be more quiet than I'd like it to be and so for now, I imagine I will be blaring music to hopefully cheer me up. The video games and yelling because of said video games aren't going to take over my living room anymore, the yelling at football games because players are putting up their points on our fantasy league teams won't be gracing my ears, the "Honey I'm home" won't greet me in the evenings, the bathroom will smell a little A LOT better, and there won't be as many dishes or clothes to clean, and there will be a lot less of finding chapsticks in our dryer (because I forget to check his pockets sometimes). I miss him like crazy already and he hasn't technically even left yet. Pathetic runs in my blood ok? You can stop rolling your eyes now. Haha. I'm just sayin...

I know he's doing this to better our little family. Him taking this job sacrifices a lot for our lives but at the same time, it is for the best. Not only that, he will love his job, feel valued and he will be darn good at it. That's the most important thing. He's excited. He's happy. We can actually maybe even start planning out (way in future) baby Nelson's now. That's a pretty cool feeling.

Now before you all think I'm just a little selfish brat (we all are sometimes right) I do want you to know that I am really happy for him, for us, and for this opportunity. We keep laughing because one minute I'll be crying, and then the next I'll smile and get excited. Then another meltdown will happen (hey, I'm not perfect), and then I'll be happy again. I've never known what it was like to have so many emotions completely take over my body. It makes me laugh to myself because I am a hot mess. "This girl be cray cray!" is what I'm sure you'd think or are already thinking haha. But seriously. This has been a really weird emotional roller coaster of a time for us.

I do want to state that I'm 100% supportive of this decision (or else he wouldn't be taking this job haha) but y'all...this sucks. Is it the end of the world? No. It's not. I know as time goes on, His plan will continue to make more sense and I'll get used to this new lifestyle. Drew and I have prayed about it a lot and God kept leading us to this decision. This change. This adjustment. We honestly couldn't pass it up. We just couldn't. We don't know a lot more other than we are going to take it a day at a time and do our best to get through this adjustment.

Thankfully, my schedule is full and I'll be busy. Thankfully, his new schedule will allow for him to still be working with me on the weekends, and I will be having to change up my work hours to accommodate. The only change will be for us and our weekly schedules. But that's okay. He's my number one priority in this life and seeing him happy is worth it. All I can say is THANK GOODNESS for technology.

I am proud of him. He's going to be amazing at his new job. And y'all...I haven't seen him smile like this in a long time about work. It's apparently a "man thing" and I get it. Life sure can be hard, and yeah...finances are troubling, but knowing that he feels like more of a provider for our little family of 5  2, ;) makes me feel more at peace. Happy Husband, Happy Life. Never thought I'd type that. LOL jk. ;)

The hardest part I think is knowing that I won't be able to have "The Best Part of my Day" come home every day anymore. I won't be getting my good morning kiss and "See you tonight" like I'm used to and I won't be able to physically have the love of my life in my arms each and every day. The things you take for granted right? :) Boy can perspective change in an instant.

I know I'll adjust, and I know that things will get easier. I'm also very thankful we don't have kids involved just yet because I can't even fathom how hard that would be. I just have to keep taking deep breaths, continue to stay positive, support him, love him, root for him, focus on my work at the same time, better myself through this process, pray like crazy, keep busy (won't be hard haha) and know at the end of the day, that this is all in His hands. Our time together will be more special, and we won't take that time together for granted anymore. See? There is a silver lining.

To all of the wives out there that are in similar situations, have traveling husbands, husbands who are in the service and leave MONTHS and YEARS at a time...kudos. I don't know how you do it, but you have gained ALL of my respect. You've actually always had my respect, but I truly, truly can relate a little more now. Teach me your ways? Y'all deserve an award. I tip my hat to you.

Until I can feel more comfort of His plan (I know this will come with time)...I'm off to bury my head in some pillows and eat two or ten tubs of ice-cream and preparing myself for how much I am going to miss my best friend.

Photo Credit: Ryan Ray


  1. The only thing I can promise you is that it will get easier! I swear! In the beginning, it will suck and everything will feel so quiet. Embrace the suck. Lay in bed the whole first day he is gone and watch Netflix and eat ice cream. (No of course I've never done this while rob was gone ;) ) Give yourself an entire day to pout and cry and endulge your every whim. Then the next day wake up and blast some pump up music. Put on something that makes you feel confident, take extra time doing your hair and makeup, and get busy. After all, when he calls to brag about his day at work, you want to have things to share! Don't be too hard on yourself...there will inevitably be days that suck and there will also be so many days that aren't so bad. You have so much going on, you will both get into a routine, and those "honey, I'm home" hugs? They get even better with time apart ;)
    Tons and tons of hugs from Florida! XO

  2. It gets so much easier the more you do it. I find that the more time he's gone and I find things I enjoy doing alone, the more I don't mind it. It sucks, and it always will, but you absolutely appreciate every waking second you get with your husband more than you ever have.

  3. Thinking of you, Shay! I don't think I've ever commented, but I do read! Hopefully the time apart goes quickly and the time together is slow and sweet. *hugs*

  4. My husband just got out of the military and we said many "see you laters". It never got easier to be honest but like you said, it made our time together pretty awesome. One thing that I struggled with whenever he was gone was getting REALLY used to being independent and having a hard time letting him back into my routines. There are so many people going through this so don't ever hesitate to reach out to one of them if you need to!

  5. As the wife of pilot, I spend my fair share of time at home alone. And honestly, it’s wonderful for our marriage. When he’s working and making money to support our family I can be at home doing what I love - watching my girly shows on the big screen, happy hours with my girlfriends and taking up the entire bed at night! One of the best things we do is to plan ahead to find things to do when we are both home together - it gives us something to look forward to while we’re away from one another. And having pets is the best cure for the lonely wife blues, I don’t know what I’d do without a dog to greet me!

  6. my heart hurts for you. my guy has talked about jobs that will mean he has to do a few months training away and that may not even bring him back here. i can't even imagine how hard this is for you.

  7. This will definitely be an adjustment for you guys, but you'll work through it. Growing up, my dad traveled a lot (and still does). He would be gone all week and home on the weekends. It was hard and we missed him, but we appreciated our time together even more. My dad is one of my best friends and he and my mom have been married for 26 years. I think it's true that distance makes the heart grow fonder. It will be an adjustment for you, but you'll get through it. I'll be praying for you! xoxo

  8. Oh Shay!! Sweet girl! I just want to give you a big 'ol hug! Matt & I haven't had to be apart since we've been married but, he has had jobs that put him out of town during the week & home on weekends. It was hard & he would be exhausted from all of the traveling but, just seeing each other for 48 hours was the best thing ever! I know this will not be easy - making such an extreme adjustment in your life & lifestyle but, you guys are so strong, you will get through this & adjust! I'm so happy for Drew that he's found a job he loves! & No, you definitely do not get the worst wife award! I've been known to cry when Matt leaves too! HAHA! Same thing you did - should be happy & I am but, sure have a funny way of showing it! HAHA! Oh, being a girl is so much fun! But, really though, I'll be praying for you guys & here for you if you need anything!!! Muah! Love ya girl!

  9. You know how you mentioned that you felt some posts were meant for you to read? Well I feel like yours was meant for me..and now I am starting to tear up... My husband just applied for a new opportunity yesterday that would have him gone for a straight 7 months for training..I am happy for him, but soooo sad, scared, anxious..all of that. I am not the best with change. And I love having him there all the time. Waiting for me when I come home. Hang in there girly..what I tell myself is that when it does happen, time will make it easier and then it will become routine. I know exactly the emotions you are experiencing right now and I am just an email away..we can lean on each other...through key boards.. ;)

  10. My shay! See you laters are the absolutely blahEST of the blahs. I get it, I did it for hmm 4-ish years with my stone and baseball season. Its SOOOOO terribly hard. So hard! But the visits for me (and the times DDHP will return for you!) they will make you appreciate your time even more than yall already do!! I remember last off-season when austin was back and we were on our way to the grocery stor! To buy food! to make dinner! and I thought it was the coolest, best thing ever. i can relate sooooo much to your mixed feelings. I had way too many regarding baseball. But DDHP is YOURS for the keeping! Alllllll yours! And this is just one little route life is taking yall down, you got this :))) "if you don't like something, change it. if you can't change it, change your attitude" I read that once and it helped. But the calmer of all crazy for me, will forever be “Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” I would recite it over and over to myself when I’d get a wee bit sad/anxious/blah. And it just soothes your soul! thinking of yall! #teamnelsons

  11. Hi Shay, I just stumbled upon your blog for the first time and was surprised into the totally relatable post. My husband is a law school student who also works full time. He is gone from the house from 5:30 a.m. - 12:30 a.m. Yes, you read that correctly. Just know there are others who are getting through what your new life will be like. It's not all bad - like others have said, I take advanatge of watching all the girly shows I want, girl get togethers, and other me time while he is away. But sometimes you lose a sense of the "we" in your marriage. Remember to keep your head up, he needs your support just as much as you need his. I always tell myself that we'll look back on these days and smile. I'm so glad I found this post. Finding other to relate with is so important. xoxo Katie

  12. My sophomore year of high school (right in the middle of the recession), my dad finally got a new job, but it required a lot of travel. By junior year, I was playing carpool mom three nights a week (my mom was carpooling the other kids). I've seen how hard that can be, but you're a wonderfully sound and amazing woman, Shay! God knows what he's doing and it'll all work out in the end!

  13. Wow, this must be incredible hard for you. I am so glad that there are other wives going through the same thing that you are and that you can relate to them through the blog world. I have a job right now where I travel a lot. Sometimes I am gone for a week at a time and it can take a toll on me and my relationship, but then I love the excited feeling come Friday when I get to see my guy agian. I know you guys will come through the otherside so much stronger and have an even better relationship. Thanks for sharing!

  14. Will be praying for you guys through this new season!! You have SUCH a beautiful heart. And your marriage inspires me SO much. I pray that one day I have a marriage that looks like yours. I think it's incredibly sweet that your first instinct was to cry at not seeing him every day. Of course you were excited for him! But the fact that you were sad over the change too? THAT says a lot about how much you love this man. I hope to find love like that one day :)

  15. first off let's just talk about how awesome and strong the love you two have for each other is. truly inspirational. always remember this too shall pass.

    ps - the best part of my day, what a better way to describe your husband. you are too too sweet!

  16. I read this and felt like I was going back to my life 3 years ago. The same thing happened to my husband and I - he didn't get a new job, but all of a sudden he would be traveling Monday-Friday for at least a few months (ended up being almost a year and he still travels some). I thought I would DIE. BUT I can honestly say it was great for us. I cried many nights, but absence truly does make the heart grow fonder. We made THE MOST of our weekends together and they were so wonderful. Tyler racked up hotel points so we could enjoy mini vacations together later. It's hard, but your love is strong. It's only a phase and it DOES get easier. Please let me know if I can encourage you in any way!!

  17. Many of us military wives can totally relate to this Shay! It doesn't get better. You just learn to adjust to it and surround yourself with friends and family or ice cream ;) Be thankful for the many years y'all have been able to spend with each other. Cherish the times you still get to be together. Skype and FaceTime will be your new bffs. It won't be like this forever. Love you sweet friend!

  18. When I first started dating my husband he was a professional athlete so traveling was his profession. Neither one of us had any intention of being serious but after our first couple dates we knew we would do anything to be together so we went through long-distance. The worst part of it all wasn't necessarily being apart from him, it was knowing everything we were missing that everyone else got to experience (say, holidays together or an anniversary or even just waking up side-by-side). It's really hard to build a foundation for a relationship when you're not physically together but it made us stronger and we both trusted our relationship so much more because we went through the worst for it and we wouldn't have done that if we didn't care.
    Now he is retired and we are always together - and those first months together were a huge adjustment but now I can't even fathom him away like he was before. I think what ends up happening is that you just get used to your routine. So once things get going you'll adjust and it won't seem as bad because it will essentially be the norm.
    But it's something that I believe all relationships go through. There will be a time, whether it's at the beginning or later in the relationship that things won't be ideal but knowing how strong and sound your bond is will help to get through it. And since you two have had the opportunity to be together from the beginning, you've already built such a solid foundation of a relationship so it can withstand anything.
    The biggest piece of advice I have for you is to keep yourself busy! Set dates with friends and try to pack in many things that you know make you really happy. Blog lots and vent to your blogging friends - cause we're here to support too! :) Also, try to avoid really lovey-dovey movies when you're alone (i.e. don't watch the Vow when you're really sad and missing him and then end up having an emotional breakdown over the phone saying that he's not allowed to drive anymore lol). In the end, this will bring you two closer together and you'll appreciate each others company so much more!

  19. Amazing post. You're so real. I struggle with this too - you of course are happy for your significant other but when you grow to rely on or at least look forward to seeing them every evening and spending time discussing your day, cuddling,etc. it's very sad to think of losing that - even temporarily. Congrats to you both though on this new opportunity. All the best.

  20. I know this is such a rough time for you and just know that you have a HUGE support team out there ready to help you along the way! You are a strong lady and will get through this.... You both will! I have no doubt that God opens doors when needed and to those who can handle the results with his grace and love. It won't be easy, but it will get easier over time... And you never know where this will lead the both of you! Take it day by day and if you ever need anything, you know I am a phone call away lady! I'll keep you both in my prayers! XOXO


  21. Praying for you!! I know what you mean! I work a M-F 8-5 job, while my husband works a random schedule of 5:30pm-5:30am, which means I hardly ever see him either! Ugh! Quite an adjustment for us!!

  22. Hang in there friend.... Jon travels a lot for work and it can be hard... but I have found a sense of peace knowing I am strong enough to be on my own, especially now that we have a son. Yes it is weird and scary at first but I promise you will stay busy! The best part is "missing" your man... I miss the heck outta my hubby even if it is for one night but the reunion is always so sweet and fun. I promise it will get better!!

  23. Being a military wife, I definitely know those feelings, those emotions. Most of our relationship has been apart, and after only being married for three months he was off training for his upcoming deployment. It's very hard to adjust, but I agree with the other ladies... The homecomings are THE best! You get to be creative, make each other feel special again, experience "first kisses" over and over. Focusing on the best parts and not the negative. And knowing, trusting, that God knows the bigger picture. He's making you two a stronger couple. Hang in there:) praying for all the wives that have to go through this!! xx

  24. I feel you, my fiance is also away for whole month! First days were awful but it is easier every day. Thinking of you! :)

  25. Girl my hubby & I have been there & one night he asked me "Would you hate me if I decided to come home?" So I sent his friend after him for an 8 hour round trip since I had to work... lol
    It's hard, not going to lie. It makes you realize how much the other person means to you.
    There's a reason God gave him this job, so hang in there :)

  26. I can't relate, but I can feel sympathy for you. You are both so amazing that you will be able to handle this like champs! What a great opportunity for Drew! I will just come stay with you during the week while he's away. :)

  27. I'm so proud of you for writing this post and Yes. You made me cry. Congrats :)

    When I first met you and Drew, and the way you welcomed me into your home without even "knowing" me I just knew you two were something special. (And I will always remember Drew running out to get us those sausage thingys after drinking all night)

    Whatever happens in life I just know you will be able to get through it. Yes, it will take adjustment, yes it will bring a lot of tears, but know you have an amazing husband that LOVES the CRAP out of you and I know you feel the same :) And next fall I will be there!

    Soooo.... hold tight :) I just love you Shay. You are amazing and strong and beautiful. (You just need to believe it now :)

  28. So the "good" thing about this is that it will make you miss/appreciate each other so much more! I mean you already are the cutest most loving couple ever so I'm not sure you can appreciate each other anymore than you already do....but if it's possible it will happen! Just remember you're doing this for the future :) You can do this! Plan some midweek girl sleepovers. Old school with a blankets in front of the TV and smores in the microwave. Have a fantastical weekend Shay!

  29. You know, life is funny and one thing for sure is it's always changing and evolving. When Mike and I first met and for the first couple of years we were married, his job took him all over, sometimes for a couple weeks at a time, more often for stretches of several days to places you'd never want to visit. It was a hard five years and we got through it, and finally the regular-hours, stable job came through (almost a miracle in his field). In that same time, I've had two different 9-5's and the wedding biz, and above all I realize you just keep rolling with it, and it will just keep changing, but all in all things seem to fall in place! Good luck! It will get easier--promise!!