OMGOSH. OMGOSH. OMGOSH.
I don't even know how to start this post, or where to start but here I am, typing (really fast might I add) so if you see a typo, I'm sorry. I know this is about to be a long post, but I promise it's for a good reason. Keep reading. KEEP reading. I'm long winded and I'm not apologizing for it! MK!? :)
I just need to write this out and hope and pray you're just as excited about this as I am. If not, I am still going to be PUMPED! :) Alright so, where to start!?
I don't know if you follow me on Instagram (if you don't, you can here) but last night, at around midnight, I posted this photo. I was in bed, trying to get some rest, and my mind was racing a mile a minute to put it lightly. I had a bad day yesterday. It looked a lot like this:
My frame fell off the wall and hit me in the head. It hurt really bad. Hattie, my hedgehog is quilling and hasn't been nice to me this week. She bit me HARD, and so I put her in the corner. It hurt like a BEEP.
I'm overwhelmed with work. I hit my knee on the coffee table and it took me down it hurt so bad. These are the pictures I pathetically sent Drew during the day when I needed to vent about how tired I was. I feel like a brat. I kind of was. OKAY, I was. I'll probably regret showing how awesome I can look y'all but whatever. I'm not perfect. ;)
I knocked over my water on my desk. I stepped ON a piece of glass. That wasn't fun. I just didn't have the best day. AND I know that happens to everyone. So, I thought I'd try "GARDENING" to help me de-stress some. It worked, a little, but I was still annoyed with how crappy the past few weeks have been, and as much as I tried to have positive thoughts, there were demons trying to interfere. Constantly. AND you know when things just keep building up and up and up, you have that moment of weakness and just cry in a ball? Yeah, it happened. I was pushed over the edge. I had my stupid moment, and moved on. Or alteast my body did, but my mind? Not so much.
Guess what though? That was secretly the Lord showing me that I needed to refocus. Re-think my thoughts, and embrace these bad days. I sure was learning from them. It also made me realize something so simple that I'd been neglecting for quite sometime...and that was myself.
I could NOT stop thinking about all the work I need to get done, all the e-mails I need to respond to, all the places I have to be, all the work that lies ahead of me, all the things I want to do, all the things I wish I could do, all the things I have to do and all-in-all, it was what you would call a mind-stress-disaster. I'm sure most of you can relate right? These aren't complaints, I promise. I am thankful and blessed a million times and I acknowledge it DAILY. BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES...You just can't do it all. You can't! I just wasn't handling my plate the best way that I know how for some reason. Sometimes we just aren't performing like we want to because we don't devote enough time to the one thing that matters, and that is ourselves y'all! :)
Last night, I tossed and turned and felt my forehead wrinkles tensing up (Where's Botox when you need it!? ;)). My shoulders were tense and high, my face was all crunched up from thinking, and finally, I just threw the sheets off of me and said, "I HAVE GOT TO RELAX!!!! WHOLY FREAKING COW BATMAN!" So I did what any rational person would do at that time of morning. I went to my tub, lit me a candle, started the water, and put the Norah Jones Pandora station on my phone. I thought to myself, "If I don't find a way to relax, I am going to die of a heart attack!"
As I sat in the tub and stared down at my toes and
Without going into a detail-by-detail explanation of why I'm so stressed (sup life?), I have just come to the realization that I need to learn how to manage it better. But how? Being a business owner, a social-media advocate, a blogger, a photographer, a wedding-industry person...all of that- I just feel like we are bound and determined to literally be stressed, anxious, and just feel that constant need to want to inspire, do good, be good, and not miss a thing while we are at it. The constant accountability it all requires is crazy, and not to mention, emotions in these fields are just HIGH as it is. They are quadrupled. It's just how it is. BUT. I DO IT BECAUSE I LOVE IT. I TRULY DO. This whole industry of blogging, and photography has been absolutely INCREDIBLE for a million reasons (don't make me list them all out), but at the same time, it's extremely exhausting and so hard on your body, your health, your peace of mind, and I KNOW I can't be alone in thinking this. I just can't be. It's such a fast paced industry, and it's just hard to keep up sometimes. I am confident that it's like this for people in different professions too (I know, I've been there too) and it's just this thing called "LIFE" that just gets really hard. Customer service? HARD. Really though? LIFE. It's just HARD. It really is. It's hard to never NOT be busy, or constantly struggling to just make those ideas come to life, while at the same time juggling everything else life hands you. Granted, all of these responsibilites we make for ourselves, are OUR CHOICE. It's our own fault. However, we keep keepin' on because it fires us up! The stress is just worth it most days.
Families. Obligations. Plans. Jobs. Bad days. Bad weeks. It's hard to stay positive in this world we live in period. God isn't at the center of everyone's lives and sometimes we all just fail. We mess up. Or we let demons take over and make us feel like we aren't worthy of having a good day, or a good week, or even sadly, a good life. We all get down sometimes. The question is, how to we manage this stress? How do we battle these silly emotions that consume us? How do we handle these situations we get ourselves into?
We all have dreams, we all have desires, we all want to be successful and known for great things. However, let me tell ya. I'm a pretty happy positive person. But I was in a ball of tears the other day, saying terrible things about myself. I was so mad at myself. I was angry, and sad, and having a really bad day. People think that my life, or other's peoples lives are just rainbows, butterflies, glitter and kittens. Pshhh. Think again people. I don't think ANYONE (besides Kate Middleton, duh) have it made in the shade y'all. We all work hard. We all have bad thoughts, and bad days. We are constantly working to having a better life? A better system? We all are constantly wanting to improve ourselves too yeah? We all want to be a better person, or a better version of ourselves right? Not make the same mistakes over and over? You know, FIX what's not working for us? I know I always can think of a handful of things I want to work on to better myself. I fail, all the time, but I never give up. All of these thoughts consume me. They consume me to the core.
When I was sitting there last night in that amazing tub of bubbles, I realized that I haven't relaxed since I started this journey of mine here in blog world and photography. I don't even know when the last time I was able to do something for myself (LIKE A BATH) without feeling the stress or time clock overwhelm me. I can't ever stop thinking about all the things I have to get done. Let me just tell you, It flat out SUCKS. Any vacation or "fun" activity I've done in the last couple of years haven't ever really felt relaxing to me because I still had work waiting for me at home...it lurked in the back of my mind. I couldn't let that go. Ever. Some vacation yeah? Major whomp whomp.
So, as I sat there, I forced myself to think happy thoughts. I let sweet Norah sing sweet nothings to me, and I took deep breaths.
"Forget about your work. Forget about life. Just be...Just breathe."
Y'all...that bath was straight up THERAPY for me last night let me tell ya. It was freaking AWEEEEESOME! I really wanted to bop myself in the head and say, "IDIOT" Napoleon Dynamite style. I deserved like 2932094 bops on the head. True story.
Y'all. I take showers. I take showers because they are quick, and easy. Baths require time. They require you to relax. I don't allow myself to slow down. I am always, always, always rushing to get somewhere. In the car, in the store, EVERY SINGLE THING I DO is rushed. That realization made me want to seriously cry last night. Why am I always in a hurry? Why is this whole entire world in a hurry!? It's crazy y'all.
Then it hit me. I never make time to do anything for ME. Ever. I don't know how many times a week I look at my nails and think, "DANGGG GIRL! Your nails need some serious HELP!" I never go get manicures. I never go get pedicures. I never go get that massage that I think about daily. Why? WHY don't I go do these things? Then I answered these thoughts.
"Because it costs money. It also costs time. They are unnecessary expenses. I have bills to pay. I'm broke. I have to finish this project first then I'll do something fun sort of thing."
I've also come to realize that when I do anything "FUN", I get this wave of GUILT. Like, I shouldn't be out to eat right now, or I shouldn't be getting groceries (WHAT!?), or I shouldn't be at my softball game because I have work at home waiting to be completed. If a client of mine sees me being human and doing something fun, for SANITY, I feel guilty. I feel like I can't ever do anything "normal" besides work until ALL my work is completed. But that isn't how life works. It just isn't. That's why there are timelines, and boundaries. I've been making leaps and bounds here, don't worry. Work in progress for sure.
But, guess what. I don't know of a time that I've ever NOT had work to get finished. It's a never-ending cycle, much like laundry. This all goes back to setting boundaries for yourself (another post for another day), but I will be honest, I completely SUCK at taking care of myself. I don't work out much, ever, because that would require atleast 1-1.5 hours (the drive to the gym, the work-out, and the drive home) and y'all, "I just don't have time for that!" It's sad that I've already thought out the time it would take me to get to the gym, the time it would take to work out, and the time it would take to get home.
PATHETIC. SO pathetic, I know. I realized right there in that tub last night that I had to make some changes. I am human. I am self-employed, which is HARD y'all. It really is. You never really stop working. Physically, maybe, but mentally? Never. Do you know how horrible it is!? It's the worst. Not only that, even though I love blogging, and working, I also know that I am NOT healthy. My mind is NOT healthy. My body is NOT healthy. My health, period? Not good. I know it.
OKAY, I'm getting to it y'all, I promise. I promise. I also want to say I feel extremely blessed to be doing what I love. I wouldn't change it for the WORLD. I mean that, and this is not meant to be taken in a way where I'm not thanking God for all the things I am blessed with. I mean that. I am simply just trying to say, "WE ALL NEED TO RELAX AND MAKE TIME FOR OURSELVES!" We all do. Making changes when things aren't working for you. Realizing what needs to be changed and actually fixing it. That's it.
I know I'm not alone. I can't be. We are women. We are the most sensitive, over-thinkers, emotional, biggest hearted, crazy, busy, and loving souls that ever lived. I'm not even a mother, and I constantly want to pull my hair out when I get overwhelmed. Major kudos Mamas! Parenthood has GOT to be hard. I know it. BUT, it's hard being a wife, a friend, and a daughter too. It's just hard being a woman, period! We didn't ask to wear our hearts on our sleeves or to have nervous breakdowns at the most random times over something so silly. We can't help that we are bonkers all of the time. But one thing I won't apologize for is actually being a woman. We rock y'all. WE FREAKING ROCK! :) (Okay, enough of the "I am woman, hear me roar" speech, I get it.) :)
We put others first all the time, and we work with our hearts the majority of the time. We want to love, and be loved in return. That's just it. Bottom line: WE PUT EVERYTHING, AND EVERYONE ELSE BEFORE OUR OWN SELVES. WE PUT OURSELVES LAST. ALL. THE. TIME. Mothers? You put your children first yeah? It's a given. It's a must. I get it. Your husbands go first too right? Obviously, this is what we do, and the reasoning why we do it is 100% understandable. That's our roles as women. As Wives? We put our husbands, families, friends, and jobs first am I right? We all do it. I think it's totally okay to do this too. I think what we are doing is FINE. But what I'm tired of doing and tired of witnessing is that we never take a DAY to reward ourselves. A DAY. ONE SINGLE DAY. ONE day out of 365 days a year. Is that so much to ask? :) IF you DO do this...I high five you. You figured this out a long time ago, and for that, you seriously need a reward.
HOW many of you think to yourselves, "MAN! I sure wish I could do this today. MAN! I wish I could go get a massage today! I have worked my BUTT off and my back hurts! MAN! My nails look HORRIBLE and would love to go get a manicure! MAN! I SURE wish I could have some creamy jalepeno from Chuy's right now but it's so bad for me! I'd straight up DRINK that sauce though!"
Are these just my thoughts? HAHA. MAYBE. But I know that I can't be alone in never doing anything for myself. I've worked my rear-end off and I mess up y'all. I do. I stress out, I forget to do things, I put wayyyy too much on my plate at the sake of making everyone happy and STILL fail. I do the best I absolutely can though, and for that? I need to be rewarded. I think YOU need to be rewarded too. It's time.
Here is what I am thinking y'all. I want you to do something with me, and for me. Just one simple thing. Are you ready for this?
Last night, I busted through that bathroom door in my towel with water dripping all over the floor (you're welcome for this imagery haha) and like a giddy little girl, I screamed at Andrew, "BABE! THAT'S IT! I JUST HAD THE BEST BATH EVER! I HAVE THE BEST IDEA!!! I COULD KISS ME! I AM GOING TO TREAT MYSELF! I AM AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME!"
He just looked at me half asleep and said, "What babe? Okay?" And he went back to lalaland.
SO, I decided that I am going to declare a day here really soon as "TREATYOSELF DAY" and I am hoping you will join me. I'm taking the WHOLE day OFF. I am devoting an entire day to celebrating my hard work by NOT working and going and doing those things that I've been putting off in my mind!
Let me guess? You might be thinking, "Yeah girl, have fun! I'm going to be at work." Or. "I wish I could do that...but I don't have the money." "That sounds awesome, but yeah, I don't have time."
GUESS WHAT. I thought that too. Actually, I do think all those things, even as I type this. Do I have A LOT of work to do? YOU betcha. Do I have e-mails I need to get to? Of course. Do I have the money!? Don't even make me laugh y'all...Trust me. I don't have the money for it. I did just have my foundation and plumbing fixed on my home ya know...I'm just like you. I am pay-check to pay-check and I'm paying bills and bills and bills. Money flies out the window faster than I can blink my eyes. OH life. But seriously, my budget right now does NOT allow for a "SHAY DAY" I assure you. Do I have the time? Nope. I don't. I have things I need to be doing. Of course.
But, then my car broke down last week. It cost a niiiiice pretty penny. THEN, Drew's truck brakes stopped working and his truck broke down too. That was awesome y'all. TWO vehicles in the shop? Like 5 days apart from each other? Sucked. Life was doing what life does...punching us in the stomach over and over again when we least expected it and took our hard earned money out of our pockets like it always does. It happens to everyone. Unexpected costs. It's bound and determined to happen all.the.time. and we all complain about it. Like I said, THAT'S LIFE. IT JUST HAPPENS. THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO TO PREVENT IT. We do the best we can, with what we have...we all do.
Well, guess what? This "TREAT YOSELF DAY!?" It's going to be an "unexpected" cost too. We all find a way to make it happen right? Maybe it will cause some stress later in the month, but guess what? That's life. We are living it. AND I am sick and tired of playing it safe every single day. Constantly watching every penny of mine, constantly worrying about the future, and I am just saying, "LIFE IS WAY TOO FREAKING SHORT!"
I would be SO mad at myself if I never did anything for ME and if I died tomorrow, I know I would be in Heaven thinking, "AH! I should have driven to Chuy's and got that Creamy Jalepeno when I had the chance! AND all that worrying did me no good. There is so much more to life than neglecting the things that make you happy." AAAAA-MEN.
Now, I'm NOT saying you or I should go out and buy a new Prada bag. I mean, I WISH. But no. That's not what I'm saying at all. And no, I'm not going to go spend a ton of money on "TREATYOSELF DAY!" Ladies, if your husband's come to me and say, "YOU! YOU MADE MY WIFE SPEND $1000 ON THESE SHOES TODAY! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" Ummm, please don't make that happen. LOL. I'm not saying go spend a ton of money. I don't need any crazy mad husband's out for my neck mkkk!? :) LOL! BUT, I am tired of seeing myself, as well as others work themselves into the ground, and never taking a day to just relax, have fun, indulge a little, or go do something that makes you happy. Are you exhausted? Do you NEED and crave a day for yourself?
I sure do.
Will you join me? Will you treat yourself to a day of happiness with me? I don't care how big, or how small you want do it. ANYTHING y'all. Go get some ice-cream. Go get a massage. Go get that Starbucks coffee. Go buy a new dress. Go get your make-up done at a department store. Go get a haircut. Go to a movie. Go get your favorite dessert at your favorite restaurant. Go to Target and buy all those million unnecessary things you love. Go to the beach and sit. Go read a book at a park. Just go. Honestly. It doesn't even have to cost you a single penny. JUST some time. Really. JUST TAKE SOME TIME. That isn't too much to ask? :) TAKE a day, take an afternoon, take an evening, take just a moment on this day and REWARD yourself.
I'm smiling just thinking about it. Of course, I will document my entire day because that's just how I roll. I am SO proud of myself for just saying, "Screw it. I'm doing it. I don't care anymore. I have to do this for me!"
I wish every single day could be a "TREATYOSELF DAY" but obviously that's not the most realistic thing in the world. I will say though, that when I attended Making Things Happen last October, Lara asked us what our ideal day was. We had to write it out from the morning, all the way through the entire day. Start to finish. I remember writing and smiling as I wrote it and thinking, "Aw man, I wish I could have this day everyday!"
And then Lara said, "Now, WHY can't you have this ideal day, every single day y'all? You can. It's a choice!"
She was so right. HELLO! Wake-up call!? SO, my "Treatyoself Day" will be more of my most "Ideal, IDEAL, SUPER IDEAL" day. I'm going to spend it alone and I'm going to have fun doing it. Hopefully it will inspire me in more ways than I imagine, and I'm hoping and praying too that you will want to join me and be inspired too!
If I end up doing this all by myself? I'm SO okay with that too because at the end of the day, I'm doing this for me.
Once I have my ideal day PLANNED, I will be posting THE DAY on the blog. It will be soon though because I don't think I can wait much longer. If enough people want to celebrate with me, and their hard work, their hearts, and just need a break like I do- I say let's do a link up over here and we can all go read and experience your "TREATYOSELF DAY" too.
It could be fun. It could be so much fun. I don't want any excuses y'all because TRUST ME, I have them too.
Are you ready for this? Because I am.
I am going to announce "TREATYOSELF DAY" or "A DAY WITH SHAY" or just "SHAY DAY" or "TREATYOSELF WITH SHAY" here on Monday. I don't even know what to call it. That part doesn't even matter. The only thing that matters is that we all need a day to ourselves sometime that is just pure relaxation and full of the things that make us HAPPY! :) That way you can plan your day, and check your schedule (too).
Like I said, I know that if you're anything like me, even in the slightest bit, you deserve this. I know you do. Mommys, Bloggers, Photographers, Friends, Wives, ...WOMAN! We deserve a day. It's almost like a "Mother's Day" for all of us who aren't Mom's...and if you are a Mom...GUESS WHAT!? YOU GET TWO MOTHER'S DAYS THIS YEAR (HOLLA!) but maybe this time you can do something without the kids, and get yourself a babysitter for the afternoon! :)
I'll have more info on Monday, but until then...GET EXCITED! LET'S HAVE A DAY TO TREAT OURSELVES! OKAY!?
YEAH? YEAH? HIGH FIVE? KNUCKLE BUMPS? CHEST BUMPS (ohhh la la)!
I'm so excited. The things I already wrote down to do are making me want to just break dance naked. Just kidding about the naked part. Or am I? ;)
Let me know what you think and if you'd like to participate. My fingers are crossed! LET'S MAKE THIS HAPPEN! :)
Now, back to work I go! Ironic? But seriously! DO THIS FOR YOU! ;)
P.s.) A friend on facebook sent me this as soon as I posted this link and I had to share it. It's perfect.