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And she will be loved. #



I'm not Dr. Phil (ew), nor do I claim to be a relationship expert. I've had my share of relationships that didn't go the way I had planned. I'm sure you can all nod your head and relate.

The shortest relationship I've ever had was 28 seconds. Yes, I was in the 4th grade, and I can remember everything about those 28 seconds. I was sitting on the trampoline and talking on the phone with him. He asks in a very giggly, shy and nervous voice, "Shay, will you go out with me?" You must know that when we would use the term, "Go Out With Me" that it simply meant "Will you be my girlfriend?" okay. It wasn't like we were going to steal our parents car and GO OUT somewhere. I know you know what I mean.

When I mumbled the word, "Yeah" out of my mouth, I immediately felt sick. I didn't want to be his girlfriend. I just didn't want to say no and hurt his feelings. I waited 28 seconds. I counted every second. It took me 28 seconds to find the courage to call him back and say, "I'm sorry...I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I just want to be friends."


I could feel the lump in my throat.

He then said, "Oh, okay. That's cool."


And weirdly enough, we are still friends.

I remember dating a boy in junior high, and y'all...I was SO in love. Or so I thought. We dated for a year and 5 days. He broke up with me on President's Day...I have NO idea why I remember these silly numbers and dates, but I do.

He wrote me a note and it said:

"Shalyn, I'm sorry but I want to break up."

And the note continued in paragraph form where I would write him back.

Me: Why do you want to break up with me? :("

Him: "Because you aren't active enough."

Me: "What do you mean I'm not "active" enough???" (Here I am thinking, I play sports...what is the deal!?)

Him: "Because I want a girlfriend like Aaron has. Someone who likes to do more than hold hands and likes to kiss."

Me: "Fine."

Haha. I remember being so upset. But I was in the 6th grade! I didn't want to kiss. I felt SO dirty. I felt like I was doing something really bad.

I really didn't date that many boys growing up. The next boyfriend I had was in high school and it lasted 4 and a half years. We fought all the time and then later found out that all the flying back and forth took it's toll. He cheated twice (to my knowledge) with two of my friends. It broke my heart. That was probably the most emotionally draining relationship I had ever been in. I had invested 4 and a half years of my life to someone... How on earth would I ever recover from this? I got really depressed. I cried all the time. I was a hot mess.

Now I can honestly look back at it and be thankful that is all happened the way it did. I'm a strong believer in "Everything happens for a reason."

That reason might not make sense for awhile...Heck, it could take years to figure out what that reason is...but when that reason presents then say to yourself..."Thank you...This is the BEST reason in the entire world."

All the hurt and all the tears in the past were worth it.

You learn from your past. You learn what you want to do different, and you learn who you are. You take bits and pieces of your past with you to your present and you embrace the ever lovin' mess out of it.

I know at the time I thought it was "the end of the world."

But, I realize that it was the beginning of my world.

The reason I'm writing this post is because I have a few dear friends in this same boat.

They are in the letting go phase and hurting phase of a long term relationship. It's hard to explain to them that it's going to be okay, because I know at the time I didn't think it would be okay. I had NO idea what to do. I couldn't form sentences without crying. I couldn't go a minute without thinking, "WHY!?"..."WHY ME!?..." "How could they!? How could he!? After everything we've been through..."

Well, all I can say is THANK GOD.

Things come and go.

Things happen for a reason.





Life is short and life is great.

Good things come to those who wait...and GREAT THINGS come to those who celebrate.

Celebrate the good times and the bad.

Embrace your emotional scars and learn from them.

Don't give in texts and calls and silly games.

When you miss them...miss them. Don't put yourself back in the same boat, with the same holes. You can repatch those holes, but those holes are still there and eventually those patches will break and it will sink again.

I truly truly believe in this.

Don't get me wrong, I always give second chances. Just because it's the right thing to do.

But y'all...I'm serious when I say this. You will end up giving a third, a fourth, and a 5th chance.

Been there, done that.

Believe in yourself and know that you are only going to be as happy as you let yourself be.

And that my friends, is the truth.


post circle 24 comments :

  1. I've read (and written) many posts like this, but I think you put it perfectly. I'm on the happier side of getting over one of those relationships and you slapped me in the face with your "patch the holes" analogy. In a good way of course.
    Thanks for writing this. Even though I'm moving on and becoming the happy single girl that I want to be, I certainly need this reminder from time to time.

  2. great post! Love the 'patch the holes' analogy -- so very true.
    I remember dating a guy in college for a several months. Things were perfect, we got along great. we had separate lives but still spent lots of time together. Then one day he breaks up with me. I thought he was THE ONE at the time...I woke up every day for a week crying =/ it was horrible but then, like you said, you get over it and it hurts less. three years and one long horrible relationship later I met my husband. Everything works out -- I hope your friends can take a stand for themselves and can move on. They are so fortunate to have a strong and loving friend in their life!

  3. love this definately wasnt the end of your world because now you have an amaaazing hubs :)

    I had a similar situation in highschool. dated a guy for 3 years, he was a jerk, we fought ALL THE TIME. he didnt trust me, blah blah..when we broke up I thought that was IT...but then after starting to date Kurt, I was like happy..this is so much better!

    im glad that 4th grade kid didnt hold a grudge and is still friends with you after your 28 second relationship! haha thats adorable :)

    xoxox love you!

  4. Shalyn, I must say that I absolutely LOVED this post and it is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I am in the same exact boat as your friends you are writing this I can really appreciate all the advice you give here. So thank you so much for writing this! I think it's going to help a lot more girls than you know! :)


  5. i can totally relate. and i love the part that says - good things come to those who wait, great things come to those who celebrate. sooooo true. So many girls need to read this! (:

  6. AMEN to that. I've recently had my first huge heartbreak. Being single isn't my favorite thing to be by any means, but this blog post definitely sheds positive light on the situation. Thanks, Shalyn! Many girls need to read this.

  7. This is a great post - I passed it on to a friend that is hurting. Wise words!

  8. This was so beautiful! honestly it really gives me hope. I'm on the tail end of missing some one... it's really hard to ACTUALLY get over them. Sometimes you lose sight of the fact that everything will be okay... So thank you for this post!! It really made me smile!!

    You are beautiful!

    Sabrina Says

  9. Love this post girl! Sooo true! It's so hard for us to be strong and not give in again and again, but in the end it's so worth it!

  10. preach it sista!! haha but really, it's so very true...

  11. I can totally relate! I agree 100% with everything you wrote

  12. I am a nut remembering numbers too! I remember this boy I liked in high school and I went on a date March 13th...and he put his pinky on my pinky in the car....hahaha. Great, great advice! Now following :)

  13. how true this post is! it is amazing how you really believe life is over and you will never find anyone better than the person who just broke your heart ... and then life continues, you move on and then you thank God and your lucky stars that everything happened the way it did because life is just so much better without them!

    awesome post!

  14. I love this, Shay. I dated a boy for 3 1/2 years and when he broke up with me he said some pretty terrible friends, including that I wasnt worth anything and would never find anyone who would put up with me...

    I met my hubby 3 months later and would not have given him a chance if that wouldnt have happened. Everything truly happens for a reason

  15. Thanks for sharing! I dated a boy in high school who, looking back, was SO not who I needed to be dating! But you sometimes have to see the bad before the good. Now I have my super sweet and wonderful hubby who is my best friend!

  16. love love love this! I am actually writing down all of my boy stories in my journal right now! I decided it'd be something good to remember.

  17. I love the part when you say "Believe in yourself and know that you are only going to be as happy as you let yourself be."

    It took me a really long time to believe in this....but now that I do believe in myself, my life has been the happiest. I have been the happiest.

    Thank you for posting this. You are such a beautiful person!!!

  18. LOVE THIS! All of it is so true! I dated a guy a guy in high school for 2-3 years. It was the kind that I thought we were going to get married & all that! Out of the middle of nowhere he broke up with me. I really did NOT see it coming at all. I see now though, how he was fading in & out. We broke up for a while then we got back together. Ha! That's when I figured out that it really wasn't meant to be. Everything does happen for a reason, we prob won't see it until way after, but it does! We learn & grow from these situations.

  19. Is it weird that I just teared up reading this post? I am going to blame hormones, but that was a really happy and moving post, Shalyn. FYI I cry about happy things. Happy Tuesday!

  20. A year before my husband met me, he ended a SEVEN year relationship. I didn't know him then, but I just wonder about that sometimes. Seven stinkin' years. Wow that's a long time, and must have been some hard healing. He was 27 when he got out of that relationship. He thought he would never find someone else and that he would never have a family. Boom! A year later he met me (fertile murtle) and we've got a fantastic family. There's always something else in store, better than you could ever imagine. Right? Right.

  21. Made me laugh. I had one for a minute. We decided we were boyfriend/girlfriend then he told someone and it made me bashful and then I dumped him.

  22. Well pumpkin...just read this post for this first time.....almost a year later....little did i know my baby girl got it so right...i may b your mom...but even moms can learn from what i taught you....a moving....heartfelt....thank you for reminding me....we deserve better than what we think sometimes....and you my love....found exactly what my dreams, wishes and heart wanted for you....much love to you and the wisdom you always bring to my life......i may be older but i always listen and keep biggest lesson n life ladies.....with every heartbreak you learn......keep your head up....dont sacrifice....just keep going.....until you meet that someone.....who knows you r truly that u so much shay...thanks for the reminder....knew i had a special angel for a daughter.....all my love