I'm not Dr. Phil (ew), nor do I claim to be a relationship expert. I've had my share of relationships that didn't go the way I had planned. I'm sure you can all nod your head and relate.
The shortest relationship I've ever had was 28 seconds. Yes, I was in the 4th grade, and I can remember everything about those 28 seconds. I was sitting on the trampoline and talking on the phone with him. He asks in a very giggly, shy and nervous voice, "Shay, will you go out with me?" You must know that when we would use the term, "Go Out With Me" that it simply meant "Will you be my girlfriend?" okay. It wasn't like we were going to steal our parents car and GO OUT somewhere. I know you know what I mean.
When I mumbled the word, "Yeah" out of my mouth, I immediately felt sick. I didn't want to be his girlfriend. I just didn't want to say no and hurt his feelings. I waited 28 seconds. I counted every second. It took me 28 seconds to find the courage to call him back and say, "I'm sorry...I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I just want to be friends."
I could feel the lump in my throat.
He then said, "Oh, okay. That's cool."
And weirdly enough, we are still friends.
I remember dating a boy in junior high, and y'all...I was SO in love. Or so I thought. We dated for a year and 5 days. He broke up with me on President's Day...I have NO idea why I remember these silly numbers and dates, but I do.
He wrote me a note and it said:
"Shalyn, I'm sorry but I want to break up."
And the note continued in paragraph form where I would write him back.
Me: Why do you want to break up with me? :("
Him: "Because you aren't active enough."
Me: "What do you mean I'm not "active" enough???" (Here I am thinking, I play sports...what is the deal!?)
Him: "Because I want a girlfriend like Aaron has. Someone who likes to do more than hold hands and likes to kiss."
Haha. I remember being so upset. But I was in the 6th grade! I didn't want to kiss. I felt SO dirty. I felt like I was doing something really bad.
I really didn't date that many boys growing up. The next boyfriend I had was in high school and it lasted 4 and a half years. We fought all the time and then later found out that all the flying back and forth took it's toll. He cheated twice (to my knowledge) with two of my friends. It broke my heart. That was probably the most emotionally draining relationship I had ever been in. I had invested 4 and a half years of my life to someone... How on earth would I ever recover from this? I got really depressed. I cried all the time. I was a hot mess.
Now I can honestly look back at it and be thankful that is all happened the way it did. I'm a strong believer in "Everything happens for a reason."
That reason might not make sense for awhile...Heck, it could take years to figure out what that reason is...but when that reason presents itself...you then say to yourself..."Thank you...This is the BEST reason in the entire world."
All the hurt and all the tears in the past were worth it.
You learn from your past. You learn what you want to do different, and you learn who you are. You take bits and pieces of your past with you to your present and you embrace the ever lovin' mess out of it.
I know at the time I thought it was "the end of the world."
But, I realize that it was the beginning of my world.
The reason I'm writing this post is because I have a few dear friends in this same boat.
They are in the letting go phase and hurting phase of a long term relationship. It's hard to explain to them that it's going to be okay, because I know at the time I didn't think it would be okay. I had NO idea what to do. I couldn't form sentences without crying. I couldn't go a minute without thinking, "WHY!?"..."WHY ME!?..." "How could they!? How could he!? After everything we've been through..."
Well, all I can say is THANK GOD.
Things come and go.
Things happen for a reason.
Life is short and life is great.
Good things come to those who wait...and GREAT THINGS come to those who celebrate.
Celebrate the good times and the bad.
Embrace your emotional scars and learn from them.
Don't give in texts and calls and silly games.
When you miss them...miss them. Don't put yourself back in the same boat, with the same holes. You can repatch those holes, but those holes are still there and eventually those patches will break and it will sink again.
I truly truly believe in this.
Don't get me wrong, I always give second chances. Just because it's the right thing to do.
But y'all...I'm serious when I say this. You will end up giving a third, a fourth, and a 5th chance.
Been there, done that.
Believe in yourself and know that you are only going to be as happy as you let yourself be.
And that my friends, is the truth.