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I struggle sometimes.



I normally don't post on days when I'm moody, vulnerable, or sad. I don't like being negative, and let me be honest, NOBODY likes a debby downer.

Well, you are in for a real "treat" today.

I'm super sad. Really, really sad. I've cried atleast 5 times today, and all I want to do is just go home and sleep.

You know that phrase, "When it rains, it pours!?" Well, there is a hurricane going on in my life right now...and no, I'm not being dramatic. I WILL not mention everything that is going on in my life, because believe it or not, I am private about some things. And no, it has nothing to do with my marriage. My marriage is without a doubt, hands down, THE BIGGEST BLESSING IN MY LIFE. Without my husband, I honestly don't know where I'd be. He's my rock.

Here are a few things that have me down right now... Why I'm sharing? I have no idea. I may decide to take this post down, but right now just typing it out makes me feel better. I'm just bawling my eyes out, feeling helpess, and just not sure what to do.

First things first...Student Loans. They can bite me. Go away! Sometimes I almost feel like going to college was a complete waste of time. It's not like it's really paid off yet. Seriously. Where is all this money & success that they promise you you will make if you have that degree? :( Not here that is for sure.

Even working 4 jobs isn't helping. Just adding more stress. :(

Second, my compressor in my car went out. That's going to be over a grand. Oh, and JUST in time for the hot Texas Summer.

Third, my car needs new tires and Andrew's truck REALLY needs new the point that you can see the WIRE popping out. Oh yes. I'm predicting a blow out real soon if we can't figure this out.

Fourth, I woke up with a toothache yesterday...called my dentist, and got an appointment for this morning only to find out that I need THREE root canals and THREE crowns. It sucks. Before you start scrunching up your nose and thinking, "GROSS!? Does she brush her teeth!?"
YES, I do brush my teeth. Two to three times a day. I floss about twice a week (I know, NOT twice a day...but who does that!?) I DO TAKE CARE OF MY TEETH. I was just BLESSED with really really reallllyyyyyy bad teeth genes. So, $4200 later...this isn't including the other fillings I need in other teeth either. Just the root canals and crowns. I could just cry.

There are other things that I will not share, just for the sake of privacy, but I will sum it up and just say, WHY CAN'T MONEY GROW ON TREES!?!?!?!?

I'm stressed. I'm tired. I'm about to sell everything I own.

We don't borrow money, and we don't ask for money. We don't like handouts. We would rather be broke than ask. Everything we have is what we have purchased. We have worked for what we have, and nobody has given anything to us. When we got married, we decided to do it ALL on our own. EVEN if that means eating Top Ramen 4 nights a week, and going on a 15 dollar date at Casa Ole, and sharing a plate. That's what we do. We make it work, and we just remind ourselves that we'd rather be POOR and IN LOVE, than RICH and UNHAPPY. I know it will get better. I know it will. It's just discouraging when you work so hard, and you sink further in the hole.

This is a pretty honest post, I know. I'm not asking for sympathy, I'm not. I just need prayers.

And before someone wants to tell me that it could be A WHOLE lot worse, I know this already. No need in reminding me. It really could be, and I remind myself of that ALL the time. I could be homeless. I could be without my husband. I could be in Japan right now and GOD we ALL know that they need all the help and prayers in the world that they can get. I could be battling cancer. I could have just lost a loved one.
I DO KNOW THAT IT COULD BE SO MUCH WORSE, and it puts a lot into perspective for me. I feel bad complaining about these "small" problems I do.

It's just hard to live in a society when it's all based off who has the better life, ya know? I feel like people compete all the time. Not necessarily with me, or anything, but it almost feels like people want to flaunt everything they have. How are these people taking a vacation every month? How do you have a brand new house, a brand new car, X amount of kids, no job, brand new this, brand new that, flying all over the country, and actually being able to afford it? I just don't get it. I don't know if I ever will.

I haven't got my hair done in months. I see people with new clothes, manicures, pedicures, treating themselves to a really expensive dinner out, new this, and new that...and here I am...I haven't been SERIOUS shopping since we have been married. I haven't cut my hair in about 6 months, and I'm sporting three inch roots here y'all! I might need to go brunette haha. I look BAD.(NOT IMPORTANT, I KNOW!) I shop at the dollar store for detergents, and house items. I use coupons. We don't even have a kid yet, and we are doing without all those material items that you want so so so so bad, but you just can't do it yet. Sometimes it is just a struggle to keep our head above water. I know I'm only talking about materialistic things, but believe me, there is more to this than I'm sharing. Privacy remember? Even though it may not sound this way, I assure you this is just an inkling of my life. ;)

I have some nice things, of course, but I really do do without a lot too.

My hubs and I have learned how to sacrafice our wants for our needs. I think I might start doing a weekly post or something to help those couples out there in our boat that need help finding things to do together, but on a budget. We have become quite the masters at this haha. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do! :)

Let me clear this up for you though...before I start getting attacked for feeling this way...I never EVER compare my life to anyone. I swear I'm not a spoiled brat. I've learned that if you do that, you will always be let down and wanting more. There is always someone out there that does have it better, but you know what? There is always someone out there who has it SO much worse. I THANK GOD EVERY DAY FOR WHAT I HAVE!
My husband and I talk about the "What If" scenario a lot. What if your house burns down? Our answer is always, "As long as we are out and safe, and have each other, that's all that matters." And you know, that really is all that matters. I'm tearing up just thinking how much I truly love my husband. I'm not trying to be super corny y'all...I know it sounds that way. But he is seriously my best friend in the whole world. We laugh together (not this week haha), we cry together, and we pray together.

I'm VERY thankful for so many blessings in my life. I'm just having a bad week, and feeling low. I know that God will pull me through this. I'm not perfect, and I don't want my life to come off all butterflies and gumdrops. I struggle. I do.

Just praying it gets better. That's all.

Thank you for reading if you made it this far. I just needed to write this for me, and you know what I feel a whole lot better. But I probably won't ever do a post like this again...haha.

Next time I'm just going to do handstands in this storm.


post circle 38 comments :

  1. girl, i feel ya. life isn't always easy. keep your head up, good things are coming :)
    and you've got prayers from me.

  2. I'm sorry to hear this girl! I'll be keeping y'all in my thoughts and prayers!

  3. I definitely have had moments like this- let it out girl! There were times this past winter where everything that could go wrong did. The next day is always better. Hang in there.

  4. Here's the BEST thing I could possibly write...not my words, though. ;)

    "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about what happens to you."
    1 Peter 5:7

    I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. No need to apologize for being down and sharing it. It just shows you're REAL. :)

    I agree people's priorities are way off. I can relate to you on being on a tight budget (I have 3 kids!!!). You know who has cut my hair the past two times? Me. Really. (Good thing for easy-to-trim-long-straight-hair! Haha!)

    Praying for you!
    Okay, one more verse for the road. ;)

    "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not lean on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths."
    Provers 3:5-6

    Sophisticated Steps

  5. You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Everyone just needs a post for themselves -- glad it helped make you feel better!

  6. Obviously, that should be Proverbs. Sorry. It's my pet peeve...I just had to correct myself. ;) I can admit I'm a dork.

    Sophisticated Steps

  7. You're not alone!! I hate student loans, teeth, and cars too! Praying for you.

  8. I can relate to what you are going through on so many levels! I really can. I can't even begin to tell you just how much but as I was reading this post I was saying to myself the entire time "EXACTLY!" Don't beat yourself up for feeling bad. We all go through times like this. I certainly have and am dealing with some similar issues as you are as we speak. Life is tough and unfornately we are sometimes reminded of that every day. I try to stay positive but sometimes it's very hard to. And yeah maybe it could be worse but that doesn't diminish what you're going through.

    I'm definitely sending prayers your way hun!

  9. Everyone has their tough days! Thanks for feeling you can share yours. Keep your head up!

  10. I know where you're coming from! My fiance and I are going through the same thing right now. Like you, we're paying for our wedding completely on our own. It's so hard to be a couple just starting out. I'm glad you and your hubby know how to make memories without spending $! Those will be the memories you'll cherish forever! Keep on trucking, someday it'll all work out! :)

  11. aww sweetie I am so sorry that you are struggling... and everyone is allowed to be down sometimes. Yes, it could be worse but bad is bad no matter.

    I get really down sometimes about stuff, and honestly it is kind of nice to know someone else is in the same boat.

    I hope things turn around, and I really respect you for not taking handouts.


  12. Father, we pray that you will open up a door in Shaylyn's life to make things a little bit more easy. We know that you are capable of all things. We praise you!

    Sending prayers for you sweetheart. I know it is so hard. I feel like I can't even marry the love of my life because of money. It totally bums me out. God always has an answer though and he always provides for his precious children. I hope that answer he has for you comes sooner rather than later. Sit down and enjoy your good cry. Crying is good for the soul. And brings us closer to God. :)

    Lots of smiles and hugs...

  13. Aww I feel you girl we all have days like that. Wednesdays are usually my days for this too if that helps. I hope you feel better.. I'll send you a money tree for the swap? :) If I could find one I'd buy you one and me one!

  14. Ohh, girl. This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for being so honest, and if ANYone judges you harshly for saying this, I will personally stab them repeatedly with a shrimp fork.

    See, that's just me trying to be funny at an innapropriate time.

    But seriously, your honesty is refreshing, and I will absolutely add you to my very most sincere prayers. Everyone, and I mean everyone, goes through seasons in their life. Some of those seasons are beautiful and comfortable and pleasant, and others are just a STRUGGLE. Seasons change. Things WILL get better for you, and you will be a person of more depth and empathy because of your experiences.

    I like that you said you don't compare yourself to others. I try not to, also. If someone appears to be in a really amazing season of their life, it doesn't mean they never struggled or never WILL struggle. Comparing does NO good.

    Sending prayers and hugs your way. <3

  15. a. we both used debby downer in our post today. *high five*

    b. I also posted a post on being stressed today *double high five*

    and c. girlfriend, I GET IT. and you are not alone. sending tons of love and hugs your way right now. xx

  16. I could have written this post MYSELF today. Everything you've mentioned? We're dealing with similar issues. We've decided that we don't have to live a certain way and we've cut WAY back just so we can live. It's hard not to get caught up in the new things but I know one day it will pay off. Until then, I know exactly what you're feeling. :)

  17. Girl, I totally understand about student loans. When Im done with grad school I will be about 50 grand in debt :( It sucks.

    I also understsnd about bad teeth genes too.

    We all love you and its ok to write about being unhappy sometimes. No one should ever get on you for that.

    And no one should make you feel bad about it either!


  18. Thank you for sharing such an honest and open post. I have definitely felt the way you are feeling but I always have a hard time sharing those feelings with others so I think that it is AWESOME that you shared it here.It's so nice to know that others out there feel the same way. Hang in there girl! :)

  19. awww you are in my thoughts! we all have days like this - just seems like you have had a few of them in a row :). hoping that things turn around slowly but surely. hoping that you do get a chance to treat yourself to a few of the little things in life like getting your hair done or enjoying a meal out on the town!

  20. I think you are unbelievably talented and just a beautiful person. I felt exactly how you felt not too long ago...just remember, you always have to have a little rain before the rainbow! I'm thinking of you!

  21. You took the words right out of my mouth. Seriously...this is my life. No Joke. Somehow it works out and somehow I pull through and like you am blessed to have an amazing support and partner. I had a morning like this the other day and I have been there, am there and will continue to struggle through this season with you. Sending love and prayers your way..and take a minute to read Phillipians 4.6 it's my go to right now.

  22. Girl... we all have days like you are having. I am so sorry about all the stress you are under... that must be really hard. But the fact that you and your hubs are staying strong through this together really says a lot about your marriage. They say money issues tend to tear people apart, but you too sticking together really stands out! Keep your chin up. I wish money grew on trees, too! But you were so right when you said you would rather be poor and in love than rich and miserable! I am so sorry to hear about your teeth, too. I was blessed with bad teeth jeans, too -so I know how that feels!!!

  23. i totally feel you on this post. i have days like this too and man they suck. i think it is always best to let it out. that always makes me feel better. mostly i would cry and that helps a lot. thinking about you during this time, i just pray that things get a lot better for you.

  24. Girl. I heart you! We all have days like this from time to time and you are by no means a debbie downer you're just being honest. Take one day at a time and take lots of deep breaths. It will all work out and I am sending so many prayers and hugs your way. XOXOXOO

  25. We all have bad days (even weeks or months!) and there's nothing wrong with putting it all out there to help you feel better. I think the important part is putting it all in perspective - "yes, things might be not so great right now, but look at all the things I DO have" - and you did just that.

    Nobody is happy 100% of the time but as long as we have people we can talk to that love and support us, we'll survive. :)

  26. sorry you're having such a rough time lady. pray that things get better for you guys real soon. hang in there! lots of love.

  27. I am so sorry you're having this kind of a day. While yes, there are worse things, sometimes it's really okay to have bad days and think that what's going on in your life is bad. I hope that things get better and that things start to work themselves out. I can understand how stressful everything is and how it just seems to pile up on top of each other. I'll say a little prayer for you and your husband. :)

  28. i'm sorry everything is going downhill right now for you. but you have a great attitude and perspective on life. you know what's important. lots of hugs your way.

    ps. i've had 2 root canals. i was so scared but ended up recovering quicker and than with a regular filling and had no pain.

  29. I am so proud of you for writing this. I know it can't be easy. There probably isn't anything I can say to help or lend advice, but I will be praying for you and your husband. Hope things begin to look up for you!

  30. I can understand where you are coming from...I think most newlywed couple feels g=financial hardship ( i know we do)...just remember that you must be in the pasture before you can get the palace. I keep reminding myself of that constantly. I struggle with not really comparing but kind of wanting what others have....and to have all of the "new" things! I loved your honesty! I hope that things start going a little better ( I will be thinking and praying for you two!)

  31. When it rains it pours right?! Everyone struggles and goes through these times. Thankfully, they are just a part of life and things WILL get better! It's so hard to think positively in situations like this, but the Lord will shows his faithfulness!

    Praying things start to look up for you soon!

  32. ...Really hate that your bad day was my birthday:-( I am so sorry! Just know that everything will work out- it really will and always does! Just keep praying and God will help you. There have been so many times in the last couple months that we have said little prayers for help! Just know that you are VERY loved and if you really need help, it will come! Dont be afraid to ask for it girl- your family loved you are are here to help, even for just a couple of months!

  33. I am now following your blog. I could not agree more that when it rains it pours! I am so sorry you and your husband are going through such a tough time. Hang in there girl! You are in my prayers.

  34. I'm a new follower! I've spent the past forever going back and reading... love your blog!

    I'm sorry you are going through this right now. As I read... I felt your frustration and sadness. I'll be praying for you.

    One thing I'm learning (being the new blogger I am) the blog world is very supportive. :)

  35. I am right there with you, my fiance and I have 5 jobs between the two of us and for some reason we can never get ahead. It's always something. We are saving for our wedding....but it constantly feels like we're pulling money out of the fund for some sort of really stupid but completely necessary purchase. It's so frustrating! And student loans can go F*%# themselves! I'm so sorry you're having a rough day, as much as you can just try to focus on one thing at a time (so much easier to say than to do). I hope you feel better real soon!

  36. I'm so sorry Shalyn! You're not alone. Everyone is going through rough times, and it's okay to vent and complain sometimes. You're right, there are worse things happening to people, but when problem after problem builds up, it can really take a toll on a person.

    So let it out! That's the beauty of blogging. Keeping you in my prayers, girl. It may not seem like it, but things always get better. God will look after you. :)

    And maybe this will make you feel better...I awarded you at my blog in this post.

    I love to find people like you! REAL, genuine, lovable people! :)

  37. You are absolutely not alone and I applaud you for being so open and honest! The blogging world, especially, tend to highlight only the positive fluff, as oppose to the real struggles of day to day life. I think most 20 year-olds are experiencing new life obstacles with this economy and so many college graduates not being able to find a steady job that justifies the 4-years of college. You're lucky to have your husband and I think it's important to feel exactly how you need to for a little while.

  38. Hi Love,

    I've been offline for a few days and am only now reading this, but I wanted to let you know that I love you for your honesty...just LOVE you for that!

    BTW, there's a shout out to you over on my blog.